Tea Time
by TakeBackTheFalls
Summary: Bill Cipher and Time Baby have their annual tea time, when a fight breaks out between them.


**The final episode of Gravity Falls is airing tomorrow and I'm in total denial. This is just a cute little oneshot I decided to create. When I'm all alone crying about my favorite show ending, I write these things to give me something to cheer me up. Bill and Time Baby would be the best tea buddies ever :D**

 **I own nothing (Even though I totally want to own the entire Pines family in my basement, oh wait did I type that** **out loud?)**

 **Enjoy!**

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Bill Cipher straightened out the utensils on the round glass table floating before him. The tea pot steamed from it's stout **,** making a loud hissing noise **.** He gazed left and right, making sure the view of the solar system was pleasant. The brown liquid slowly floated out of the pot, swimming toward the nearest star.

"Oh no you don't!" Bill snapped his fingers, forcing the drink back into it's container. Tea parties in outer space were such a nuisance.

A small part of the galaxy separated and a vortex was formed. As the hole got bigger, a white blinding ray of light spewed it's way out. Bill closed his eye as the light expanded. A large baby with red eyes and an hour glass on it's forehead floated out of it like a doorway, and the tear in the universe mended itself back together.

"Bill." Time Baby greeted insincerely in monotone.

Bill scoffed, "Time Baby.."

The overgrown infant floated its way toward the table, "I see you've out done yourself, Cipher."

Bill rolled his eye, "Seriously? We have tea parties in space, like, every century. This isn't new."

Time Baby puffed his cheeks out in frustration. "Whatever." He grabbed the delicate little tea cup with his large pudgy fingers, sticking his pinky out like a gentlemen. Time Baby gazed at the dream demon floating before him, patiently waiting for him to offer to pour. Bill just stared back, his eye narrowed.

"Ahem." Time Baby hinted, gesturing toward his cup.

Bill glanced at the baby, then at the cup, then back at him. Pretending not to know what the baby wanted, Bill shrugged his small black shoulders. "What do you want?"

Huffing with frustration, Time Baby exclaimed. "Hello? I want you to pour for me! Come on, Bill. You used to be such a gentleman. What changed between us?"

Bill slapped his pointy yellow forehead. "What changed?! How could you even say that? Remember millennium at our Secret Santa party?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"YOU GOT ME A FRUITCAKE!"

Time Baby groaned, tilting his chubby head back. "Wow, you're still on that?"

"I don't have a mouth!" Bill shrieked, "Do you know how insensitive that is?"

"IF YOU DON'T HAVE A MOUTH, HOW TO YOU DRINK TEA?" Time Baby's scarlet eyes got richer with color, his rattle glowing an emerald green.

"I pour it in my hat, duh!" Bill retorted, gazing toward the dwarf planet Pluto to avoid eye contact. "I...I feel like you don't even know me anymore."

Time Baby frowned, putting his pudgy hand on his stick figure one. "I had no idea this was going on."

"Of course you didn't." Bill sniffed, pulling his hand away and looking longingly up at the stars. "You just don't care anymore..."

Time Baby's lips parted with shock, allowing drool to dribble down his chin. "Bill, I'd never-"

"Forget it. Let's just drink tea like we originally intended." Bill flicked his wrist upwards, the tea pot floating towards Baby's cup and pouring his drink. Time Baby gave a toothless smile, in awe of Bill's telekinesis. He reached over the table, helping himself to four sugar cubes. One by one, he plopped them in his drink and watched them bob up and down.

Bill scoffed at the scene, drumming his fingers against the table. Time Baby looked up, giving him a glare. "Is there a _problem,_ Bill?"

If Bill had lips, they would be pursed, "Nope, not a problem at all." His voice drenched with sarcasm.

Time Baby may be a little childish, but he was not dumb. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I mean do you have to be so stingy with the sugar cubes?" The triangle knit-picked, "Those take effort to form, you know. I don't need you sucking them up like a vacuum every time I get a new one." Time Baby gaped at the demon. The amount of food he ate was a sensitive topic, and Bill knew that.

"What are you saying?"

"Oh, it's fine." Bill turned away, muttering under his breath. "If you want to get fatter."

Time Baby gasped, "I HEARD THAT!" He floated above the table, his rattle clenched tightly in his cute little baby hands. Bill examined his nails, unimpressed by his abrupt temper tantrum. "What are you going to do about it, cry?"

Time Baby's hands shook with rage, he snorted like a bull. "How dare you mock me, Cipher. I...I..." The baby put a hand on his chest, "Hold on." He turned the other direction to spit up. The spit up floated out his mouth and just hung in the space between them, leaving no mess on his shirt. He loved gravity-free zones.

Bill gagged at the display of vomit drifting between them, "Ew, are you serious right now? Like, rude much?" He crossed his arms, "That's exactly what you'd expect from a baby!"

The hour glass on Time Baby's forehead turned red, "You take that back!"

"Why should I?" Bill floated upwards to his level, multiplying in size. "You expect me to pour for you, you get me a fruit cake, you hog all the sugar cubes, and you spit up! You are the worst tea guest ever!"

Time Baby's chin quivered, "Stop it!"

"No!" Bill flipped over the table, "I have had it with you! I'd rather have tea with Blendin Blandin, and he doesn't even lift his pinky up when he drinks!"

Time Baby gasped, placing his hands on his chubby cheeks, "I am flabbergasted by your behavior!"

"Speaking of being flabby, maybe I should stop inviting you to tea so you can finally get a chance to loose some weight, manatee!"

"It's just baby fat!" Time Baby shook his rattle as he yelled, "You know what Cipher, you're tea may be one of a kind, but you are a horrible host. There are no napkins, no sippy cup for me, and no baby toys! How am I supposed to entertain myself without any baby toys?"

Bill sniggered, leaning toward him tauntingly, "I don't need to bring any baby toys when you always bring your rattle around like some sort of weirdo."

Hugging his favorite toy defensively, Time Baby squeezed his eyes shut. "You shouldn't have said that..."

Bill Cipher snorted, "What? What are you going to-"

Time Baby's eyes snapped open, red lasers shooting out at knocking off Bill's top hat. Bill shrugged, "Meh, killing a baby wouldn't be the worst thing I've ever done." He made guns with his hands, firing larger flashes of yellow at the child. Time Baby screamed, flipping and tumbling toward Venus at the impact of Bill's blasts. "I was so tired of baby sitting that child anyways-"

Time Baby teleported behind him, raising a giant rattle over his head to conk him out. At his attempt, the rattle flew right through the triangle. Bill screeched with laughter, spreading his cute little limbs out and growing larger and larger until the Time Baby was nearly the size of his, now black, eyeball.

"You're cute when you try and fight back" Bill complimented, his pupils growing wider and wider.

"P-P-Please!" Time Baby whimpered, "I have an army. I can summon them right now." He clapped his arms, and a large bright light broke apart the universe, similar to his own entrance. Expecting his time army to give him a hand with Bill, all that came out was a small slip of paper.

 _'Out to play golf, the weather is perfect for it right now! Sorry-'_

Time Baby sighed, "Worst henchmen ever."

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Bill cackled his infamous laugh, "Why would anyone want to serve a baby? My henchmen are a lot more reliable. Because they know that if they disobey me, I can pull their eyes out of their sockets and attach them to my key chain." The triangle, snapped his fingers and laid his palm out, a dozen of eyeballs dangling from the long red veins that connected them. "Collecting eyes is sort of a guilty pleasure of mine." He chuckled sheepishly, "Don't tell anyone."

Time Baby shuddered, "You are sick, Bill Cipher. Sick."

"Sure I am, what's your point?"

The infant snuck his foot in his mouth, a way he coped with himself when in distress. "Is this going to happen every time I come over for tea?" He mumbled through his cute little baby toes.

"If I had a neck, I'd be nodding right now." Bill answered.

Time Baby, pulling his foot out of his mouth, sighed with defeat. "I guess I'll just go then." He clapped his pudgy hands, a vortex appearing in front of him. He floated toward his, turning back to the demon to see if he'd react in any way.

Bill crossed his arms, his eye rolled upward. Time Baby sighed, turning back around and disappearing through the hole.

When the infant was no longer present, Bill uncrossed his arms and shrunk. He heated seeing him go, such a waste of tea.

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 **So that was just a little one shot I randomly thought of today. The finale is tomorrow, and honestly I don't think I can handle it. I've been obsessed with this show for so long, I don't want to say goodbye.**


End file.
